Divorce as a sign of failure.

Everyone wants to have a happy life—who wouldn’t? Those who see marriage as a key part of that life will search for a partner, aiming to be a happy wife or husband and to enjoy a healthy and fulfilling marriage. It’s human nature to desire connection, give affection, and fall in love. If everything goes well, they tie the knot. But is that the end? No. Marriage is just the beginning, a new door to another room, a new step on a journey to a different destination.

There will always be challenges and problems. The lucky ones solve them together, but unfortunately, not all couples are able to. Over time, people may discover sides of their partner they didn’t know about or didn’t expect. It might be a fixable bad habit, but in worse cases, the partner could be controlling, unhappy with the other’s success, untrustworthy, or even abusive and unfaithful. When this happens, the marriage becomes unhealthy and toxic.

It’s well-documented that domestic violence disproportionately affects women. According to data from 28 police forces, 73.5% of domestic abuse-related crimes recorded by the police in the year ending March 2023 had female victims, compared to 26.5% where the victims were male (ONS, 2023a). This data likely represents just the tip of the iceberg, as some women may choose to remain silent. The main reason can be dependence on their husband—whether because he is the sole breadwinner or for the sake of their children. Another factor is social norms. 

In some places, unfortunately, divorce is seen as a failure. It’s a value passed on through generations, where enduring an unhealthy marriage is viewed as normal. The idea that enduring an unhealthy marriage, no matter how painful or harmful, is a sign of strength and commitment. But this is absolutely untrue. Society often places the burden on individuals, pushing them to keep their marriage and bury their heads in the sand about the reasons it may need to end.

Divorce doesn’t mean failure. On the contrary, it’s a sign of self-respect when the marriage is no longer healthy and give emotional support. Retaining a marriage for image or societal expectations can actually lead to greater damage—mentally, emotionally, and even physically. Moreover, allowing yourself to be abused, cheated on, excessively controlled, unloved, and unappreciated by your partner is the real failure. Sometimes, the reason is simply growing apart in ways that cannot be reconciled or fixed.

Remember, life doesn’t end with divorce—it continues. So, it’s completely okay to divorce when necessary. Although it is understandable that people might be afraid to estranged. But always remember that your happiness and sanity is the most important, eventually you cant count on other people, they are not responsible for your life, so their opinion is inconsequential. Moving on from an unhealthy relationship is not about running away losing and giving up; it’s about choosing to live you deserve, such as respect, genuine happiness, love, and self-preservation. You can always find what you deserve elsewhere.